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Laundry Time
(inspired by an a tweet by @eugewarrock)
Laundry time - time for me to go out, go out to the laundromat.
Laundry time - pourin’ the detergent over every sock and every towel.
Laundry time - one more load to go, so come on, spin cycle, finish.
Laundry time - I’d really like to go home but I have to stay here.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
Warm pjs…
Laundry time - time to check that the dryer to make sure that it is empty
Laundry time - last time that I was here, found a large pair of granny panties.
So gather up your jackets, and put them in your baskets - I hope you have found your socks.
Laundry time - every clean shirt comes from some clean shirt’s end…
Yeah, at least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
Warm pjs…
Laundry time - time to check that the dryer to make sure that it is empty
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
At least I’ll have warm pj’s for tonight.
Warm pjs…
Laundry time - every clean shirt comes from some clean shirt’s end… -
Sh*t My Dad Writes in Corporate Memos
I was reminded this morning of a memo my dad wrote at his company a few years ago.
“ Please read the attachment.
The attachment is vitally important to the success of this company.”
The following is the content of the attachment:
Dear [Company] Employees,
For the rest of the year, “casual” Fridays are cancelled. We are going to be having “special” Fridays in that each Friday for the rest of the year, we will be doing something special. I have been assigned to designate each Friday’s specialty.
Friday May 18
TAKE YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CO-WORKER TO LUNCH DAY.
Friday May 25
WEAR YOUR FAVORITE LIPSTICK TO WORK DAY (OPTIONAL FOR MEN)
Friday June 1
BRING AN ILLEGAL ALIEN TO WORK DAY
Friday June 8
BRING YOUR JUNIOR PROM DATE TO WORK DAY
Friday June 15
BRING AN UGLY PERSON TO WORK DAY
Friday June 22
WEAR YOUR FAVORITE UNDERWEAR TO WORK DAY
Friday June 29
BRING A REHABILITATED EX-CONVICT TO WORK DAY
Friday July 6
BRING A DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE TO WORK DAY
Friday July 13
WEAR YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER TO WORK DAY (666 IS EXCLUDED)
Friday July 20
BRING A FRIEND TO WORK DAY (IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY, ONE WILL BE PROVIDED).
Friday July 27
BATHING SUIT DAY
Friday August 3
ASK FOR A RAISE DAY
Friday August 10
DEMAND A RAISE DAY
Friday August 17
HUG DAY (EACH TIME YOU PASS A CO-WORKER, GIVE THEM A HUG)
Friday August 24
PAJAMA BOTTOMS DAY
Friday August 31
BRING IN AN EX-BOYFRIEND OR EX-GIRLFRIEND TO WORK DAY
Friday September 7
BRING A HOMELESS PERSON TO WORK DAY
Friday September 14
BRING AN ALIEN ABDUCTEE TO WORK DAY
Friday September 21
BRING YOUR PET TO WORK DAY (GIRAFFES AND ELEPHANTS EXCLUDED).
Friday September 28
BRING IN A MISSING PERSON DAY
Friday October 5
BRING A SIGNIFICAN OTHER TO WORK DAY
Friday October 12
BRING AN INSIGNIFICANT OTHER TO WORK DAY
Friday October 19
BRING A WHATCHAMACALLIT TO WORK DAY
Friday October 26
BRING A STRANGER TO WORK DAY
Friday November 2
BRING SOMEONE YOU DON’T LIKE TO WORK DAY
Friday November 9
BRING IN A ROCK THAT LOOKS LIKE A FAMOUS PERSON DAY
Friday November 16
BRING SOMETHING EXTINCT TO WORK DAY
Friday November 30
BRING YOUR FAVORITE INSECT TO WORK DAY
Friday December 7
BRING SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT ANYMORE TO WORK DAY
Friday December 14
BRING AN EX-PRESIDENT TO WORK DAY
Friday December 21
BRING A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR YOUR BOSS DAY (MUST COST MORE THAN $1.00)
Everyone’s cooperation on these “SPECIAL” days would be appreciated.
Specially Yours,
[Name]
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From the “Really? I just witnessed that?” file…
“She always does this,” the stranger said to me, standing on the sidewalk near my building.
“Whenever I take the dog for a walk, she always has to come with us. And I have to wait to make sure she makes it across the street okay,” she said, taking another drag on her cigarette.
“She’s over there hiding in the bushes.”
I look over and see nothing, and assume her granddaughter is hiding.
I acknowledged the woman’s commentary with a half-laugh, as if to say “Yeah, I know how that is,” and go into my building. I look back out the window to witness the missing party cross the street.
It was a cat.
The cat continued to follow the woman and her dog down the sidewalk. No leash. Just trotting along behind the woman and the dog.
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Rating My Falls So Far This Year
1. Getting knocked backwards into the next row of seats at a hockey game, by a large man diving for a free tshirt.
Pros: Hilarious. Not painful.
Cons: A sad testament to the lengths people will go for a free tshirt. Jerk didn’t even apologize.
Rating: B+
2. Tripping on the sidewalk while walking a dog, faceplanting.
Pros: Bad ass wounds. Not feeling guilty about all the ice cream I’ve been eating to make my mouth not hurt as much.
Cons: Painful. Chipped tooth + dentist bill. Possibility of future root canal.
Rating: D
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[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Here is proof. Ditzy voice is way too much fun.
Jul. 23 ’09
9:20 pm- [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
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